She watched the kaiila carry its rider from the camp accompanied by guards. She was too far from the camp for them to notice her watching, which was as she wanted it. She didn't want any to see the emotions that swept over her face as she watched, and she certainly did not want the woman riding away to know just how sad she was to see her go. Having never known family till now, she was very protective of one she was now a part of, and seeing one of her family leaving cut into her very deeply. She knew with all certainty that they would see each other again, but it did not change the feeling of loss she felt now. When they had finally ridden out of sight, she turned Ghost and moved off in a different direction. The day had dawned as any, but with a new change for the healer. When she went to dress, her breeches which were snug by design, were so much so that she had to finally put on one of the many beautiful dresses made for her by her daughter, Aponi. The dress was cut so that she could still ride without the garment sliding up, and it fit nicely, conforming to her newly changing figure. After slipping into the dress, she ran her hands over her belly, feeling the changes and smiling. No more flat belly, now it was rounding out noticeably. She knew what to expect being with child, and the changes would not be so gradual in a woman her size. Her mate seemed not to mind these changes, in fact many times she had awakened to find his hand curled protectively over her belly and this made her happy. He seemed excited to know he would soon be a father again, and thankfully he was not the kind to restrict her movements or activities too much. She herself was at the pinnicle of happiness. She wanted this child so much. She did not have the same fears now that she had with her other two, and this child she would not hide or push away, afraid that getting too close would somehow cause their deaths. No, this child would not be left without a father, and she would not be left alone to raise it. It was not that she hadn't loved her other two..to the contrary, she loved them like life itself. That was why she had made the decisions she had when they were young, to protect them from what she could only call the black cloud that seemed to follow her like a shadow. As unreasonable at it sounded, she had spent most her life under the illusion that she was somehow tainted by this cloud. Both parents dead, then her mate dying had caused this feeling, and when she was left with the two small infants, she placed them away from her to keep the same fate from happening to them. So, this new life growing within her, was a new start. She no longer felt that the cloud followed her. She was so proud of Jai, and her happiness at having his child was more than she could express.

She is as happy as any one person can be. She adores her mate and when he returned from retrieving the child Patch, she was relieved. She did not rest until he was back, and the night that he returned was the first night she slept since he had departed on his mission. If worrying about one's mate was considered a weakness, then she was guilty of that, but she would never apologize for such a thing. It was her devotion to him that fueled it, and she would not have it any other way. He was her sky, and she was not afraid to show it. Their times alone in their wagon were a source of great pleasure to both. He was a master at cultivating that side of her that was uninhibited, and she adored him more for setting that side of her free, and not minding the direction that it took. Their wagon was the only place she was free of all the constraints that were imposed on a freewoman in the tribe, and it was here that she allowed herself to give in to those heated stirrings that she had every time she set eyes upon him, or he looked at her in that certain way. She couldn't be sure, but she sensed changes in him.. that the wounds he had born for so long grew fainter in his heart, and he had begun to trust. Maybe it was knowing that he was her sky, and all she wanted. She didn't know. What ever the reason, she wanted to make sure it continued, and he remained happy....

There is something on the air. She isn't quite sure what it is, but she can feel it. Lately she has not been able to tolerate the smell of food and she has a reasonably good idea of what the problem is. Being a healer, she waits a while, till it is the right time to test, and finally does a test, and it only confirms what she already suspected. She is with child. Jai was quick to figure it out and she didn't need to even say anything. All he had to do was see how she reacted to the smell of food and he was grinning. They were closer than most as it was, but this new facet brought them even closer, and life was perfect. When she woke up that morn, and found Jai's side of the furs empty, she didn't know what to think. It was not long before she found the note in which he explained where he had to go, and why. She understood his position and why he had to be gone, so she moved through the days of his absense, keeping an eye out beyond the herds, waiting and watching. She prayed to the Skies to bring him back safely, so that they could both be there when the new life they created decided to make its way out.

So it has finally come to be. The Ubar has deemed the bride price sufficient, and Jai officially claimed her as his mate. She is so happy to finally be able to call him her mate. No better is there in the camp, in her eyes. So now it is time to begin to make a family, to fill the wagons, and return the gift the Skies saw fit to give. Now she has a mate, a new son, and soon a new daughter. They will start their own circle of wagons, and hopefully there will be many new sons, daughters, and grandchildren to bless them. This night, when I went to find my furs, they had been moved into Jai's wagon. I was not bothered by this, it was right and I needn't worry about the elders gossiping. When I slipped into his wagon, he was waiting-that glint I see often when we are together, in his eyes. This time, he un-laced my vest, and helped me out of my breeches. Then he held the furs for me to take my place beside him, and everything fell into place, like we were meant to be.

One truly never knows everything about a mate until that point where they consumate their joining. It is at that point when both are naked of clothes and any of the other things they hide behind, that they truly get to know the person they will spend their life with. As in all claimings, there is no chance to sample the wares the other has to offer before hand, and a woman can only hope that the mate who claims her will be the kind of warrior that will give as much as he receives. In this the Skies gave Kaeli a gift. She could not have asked for more. When they finally met, skin to skin, with nothing between them save the heat of their two bodies, he took his time, caressing her body, finding those spots that he knew would take her to the brink, teasing and playing them like an instrument,bringing her to the edge and back. She let her hands roam over his muscular body, memorizing every bit, letting her fingers dance over his most sensitive of spots, flitting here, caressing there, finding those spots that would bring his blood to a boil. When neither could hold out any longer, and the fires inside them needed quenching, they came together. Her eagerness to have him, matched by his eagerness to take her. They were perfectly suited, they fit together like a hand in a glove, and when they reached their peak..they found it together......

I was out riding Ghost when I was approached by outrides who told me I must return to camp immediatly. The scouting party had seen signs of Turians and all women were to remain in camp until further orders. It always amazed me that those people who lived behind wall, ever lost their fear long enough to come out, but she could wonder such things later..now I turned must return home. For a while I helped pass out the jerky and flat bread to the warriors, scouts, herders and outriders, and then I helped build the fires needed to cook the meals. It wasn't hard to tell that the warriors are excited over the prospect of a good battle, and they milled around like bosk with no direction. They had pulled out their best weapons and many sat in a circle sharpening them. Like most women of the camp, the idea of battle always brings mixed blessings. On the one hand, there is the pride of knowing your man is a warrior and is not afraid to fight to show it, and on the other hand is a fear that he may be injured or be brought back dead. Battles that take place away from the camp are particularly hard, since us women are not allowed to ride with the Warriors and must remain behind waiting. The wait is so hard so I try to keep myself busy. It could be ahns before any in camp would know how their men fared. Of course I worry about Jai, Teng, and even Old Sef. In a way I am thankful my son has not earned his scar yet..just a little more time I will have to be his mother. After what seems like days, warriors start to trickle in from the battle, each has a bit of news for us, and for the most part, it is good. The Turians are unprepared for the fierceness of the Tuchuk Warriors, and most of the blood being spilled on the field of battle is their own. While I wait more news, I help tend those with wounds. Skies there are so many. Lances, arrows, axes, and just about anything that can be used in battle has left its mark on the Warriors. I even pulled a broken tine from a pitchfork from the leg of one man. Silk, Falon and I are up to our elbows in injured, but thankfully there seem to be no fatal wounds, and the warriors are proud, the scars from these wounds will end up being stories told at the fires, and each will have a story to spin. As the time passes and fewer warriors are returning, I am beginning to worry. Where are Jai and Teng? I don't get much time to dwell on that. The drums sound again, and before I can even wash the blood from one warrior off my hands, Ba'tar, Jai, Teng, Sef, and Ayguili all come in. Its a good thing that blood doesn't bother me, because Ba'tar, Jai and Sef are all bleeding profusely and their woulds are serious. I don't have any idea how long it takes me to tend them all, but I know that when I finished I was exhausted. I know I will be busy keeping my eye on all of them for a while, but I am happy to know they all came home alive, and from the sounds of it, many Turians did not.

The tribe is on the move..many wagons strung in a line, stretching as far as the eye can see. On either side of the long string of wagons are massive herds of shaggy bosk. Jai says the bosk are more shaggy than he has ever remembered, so that must mean the cold is going to set in hard. When the Wagons are stopped for a break, everyone is given time to stretch their legs, eat, and enjoy the company of the rest of the tribe and I try to spend this time with my family. Yes, I feel wonderful being able to at last say the word family. Even though I have two children, in my own growing years I never had family. I never knew my father, although I have been told he was a warrior a daughter could be proud of. I never knew my mother, and even though some say she was Kataii, there are others that say she wasn't and that if I look at myself I can find the truth in it. The old woman that raised me said I was not her granddaughter, she says the healers proved it beyond a doubt when they found the body of ther daughter-the woman some said gave birth to me. I hated that bitter old woman, but I tend to believe her. I stuck out like a white bosk in a herd of black when I was growing up, and I cannot imagine a grandmother would treat a granddaughter the way that woman treated me. Still, all those that might know the truth are gone, and I haven't the time to spend, trying to did up the truth. Truth be, its not as important anymore as it once was. I don't need to prove who I am, I know who I am. And I have family. I would die for any of them without hesitation.

Cana, my sister, with her heart on her sleeve, and a softness in her eyes. A deceptively strong woman, who is a calming influence when I want to be anything but calm. I am so proud of her and the way she is taking her new position. Hers is not an easy path, and I know this from experience, but she handles it well. The Skies granted me the honor of guiding her newest son into this world, and I will forever be in their debt.

Falon..My sister Healer. She is a fiesty one. A force of nature. I can see in her all the qualities of mother and aunt. Those she calls family are very fortunate, for she is a woman who loves strong, and defends to the end. Her praise means so much to me, and when she gives it, I know I have done well. One of these days I may have wrestle her over who gets to hold Cana's son since she won't give him up when its my turn....bet she hogs the furs too..

Tarra...If I could have chosen my own mother, she would have been the one I chose. Strong and wise, with a heart as big as Lar Torvis. When she throws sage on the fires, I see things. She is not one who gives out smiles and praise easily so when she gave both to me, I was honored and proud. I hope that I can grow to be half as good woman as she is.

Silks..Skies, never laugh when she slips in mud..I am still ridding myself of that itching powder. I think somehow that itching powder is her way of welcoming me to the family, and for that I am honored. This woman has so many facets, some are easy to see, some are not. I was gifted to see a side of her the other day, out on the plains. Her and Tarra, playing with words, joking and acting like sisters. Now I know where the Warrior Kam got his gray hairs.
Some have told me, that this Silk is the one that used to be all the time, and if thats true, I hope it stays. If I had to decribe her I would say fire and ice, with Lar Torvis added in. Her hair is flame red, and when I see fire in her eyes, it matches her hair. I have decided it is best to stay on this sisters good side..I have a feeling there would be far worse on her bad side than itching powder. I love this woman, and was honored to be invited to her pink wagon. Skies that wagon would be a good beacon should any lose their way. Falon is so lucky to have an aunt like Silk. That she would even consider me worthy enough to give a gift to, amazes me. Maybe if I am lucky, Falon will let me share and call this woman my aunt. I would have liked to have one like her when I was growing up..she is precious.

Aponi..Poni Bells...she is working so hard to make tribe, and I can see now that her heart is in the right place. Once she is granted status in the tribe, we will finally get to pierce her nose...it should have been done long before now, and I feel her mother was remiss in not following custom to do it. What mother doesn't see to her daughters rights of passage. As soon as my daughter Sky gets here we will do hers. I think Poni Bells will make Teng a good mate. She dotes on him, and together they will bring many fine children to the tribe. She is a good woman.

My warrior Jai..I am so lucky. What woman could ever think she could do better? He is my heart, and I hope he feels it. I think he deserves better than me, so I should consider myself lucky. Little by little he opens himself up for me, and I am starting to fully understand how women have hurt him. I don't know why they have done this and I can only promise him I am not like that. I never dishonored my first mate, and I will not dishonor Jai. I hope the Skies grant us many good years together, and many children to our wagons. He is my heart....

Teng..I hope my son grows to be as good a son and warrior as this one is. Jai did well with him, and he will make Aponi a wonderful mate. I am proud of this young warrior and will be honored if he calls me mother.

::She can hear the wagon master calling to all that it is time to start moving again, so she rolls up her scroll and puts it back in its little cubby hole. She will write some more later after they stop. For now she is happy to have gotten at least some of her thoughts down.

It is good to be Tuchuk...

How does one express her gratitude to so many who have placed their trust in her hands?

It took a while for her to pay attention to the message the drum-beaters were sending...Maybe it was more the looks of the people that she passed. Or the whispers of the elders as she entered the wagons to tend them. She really couldn't say. She just knew that one moment she was tending to the needs of the tribe, and the next she was listening, awestruck as the news of her new position among the people was being spread faster than wildfire on the plains. While she wanted to run from the wagon and ride the plains as fast as her gray could move, she controlled that urge and finished her work.

There would be time later for her to celebrate in her own way. For now the needs of the camp came before some silly expression of happiness...

The time has come, the move is at hand and the healer is relieved to see the wagons start their long journey to their new camp. The bosk are on the move and watching the herd as it stretches out along both sides of the wagon line, is impressive.
Despite the many turns her life has taken, the healer remains a woman of heart. She doesn't hold with the bitterness some freewomen possess and every day is a gift to her.
The first night at the make-shift camp, everyone seems tired but content. She herself is tired from riding the wagon seat all day, but nothing can stop her smile when she sees Jai and her relief is palpable when she sees the scars on the Iron Master and his son, healing nicely, but she keeps those thoughts to herself for she knows better than to try to mother either warrior.
Hearing the praises from the healer Falon, make her smile with pride, though she doesn't do her job for praise, only because these are the people she loves, and anything she can do for them, she does willingly.
She is content just being close to the Iron Warrior, and somehow deep inside she senses some reservations on his side, but her instincts tell her that in time, those feelings will fade as he comes to trust that she has no intentions of behaving as others have in his past.
She sometimes can be caught looking at the Warrior, wondering what thoughts move through his mind, but she doesn't ask..he has a right to his thoughts and she has no right to trespass in them. She herself sees a fine Warrior, one any woman would be proud to call her own, and a man that will be a fine father to the two children who have never had one to call theirs. Her son had always envied his companions for having a father in their wagon, and word had come back to her that he was hopeful that she would make tribe so he could finally settle among the people he rightfully belonged with. Her daughter was more thoughtful in her last message that reached the healer. All she wanted was for her mother to find some peace and a place to finally set roots. The young girl had decided long ago that her mother needed a new mate and up till now the healer had resisted. But time changes things and she is the first to admit the wisdom of her children. The healer looked forward to having her children back with her, and felt that finally she could feel that they would be protected. She looked forward to being a healer amongst the tribe, and most of all, she looked forward to providing a warm, loving home for her family.

Time brings change to even the most wounded of hearts, and the heart of the Iron Warrior is no different. Patience on the part of the healer has had the affect of allowing the warrior to see the good in the woman, and put into perspective, the wrongs done to him by others. She can see the changes as they are happening, and this pleases her a great deal. Still, she puts no pressure on him, allowing him to choose the timing of their interactions. She finds her own happiness in knowing that he chooses to be with her and she enjoys those times immensely. As they draw closer, she notices the changes in his attitude towards her, and also notices that he has began to speak of the future as though he intends that she be a part of it. While this would be her dream come true, she allows him to decide it and puts no pressure on him to make any decisive gestures to put the plans into motion. She is certain he will do this when he deems the time is right, and she is content to stand by his judgement. For now, she basks in the glow of his attention, drinking up every moment as though it was the last, looking like an addict for the next time he will be able to spend time with her.

As a healer, she is supposed to be able to heal the wounds that people inflict on each other, but the wounds women have inflicted on the Iron Warrior are so deep, and so painful, that she feels powerless. If he were a child, she would hold him close and tell him it would be all right. But he is not a child, and because the wounds inflicted are to his heart, words alone will not make everything better. She knows trust doesn't happen overnight, and that if he is to trust her, she will have to be patient and allow trust to grow at its own pace, little by little.
What little she has to offer him, she offers with no strings. If he wishes to come to her, she will accept him with open arms, if he decides that trusting her with his heart is too dangerous, she will accept that and remain true to the friendship they have. She leaves these options for him alone to choose, and in the meantime, she continues to care for him as she would any male in her family. For he will forever be a part of her family. He spoke for her when she came to camp, and that alone is enough for her to put him in a place above others. She trusts him with her life, children and possessions, and nothing short of absolute betrayal would change her assessment of the man himself.

A SONG IN HER HEART

CROSS THE PLAINS
THE RIVER RUNS,
DOWN IN THE VALLEY,
THE GRASSES ARE SWAYING

BUT WE STILL EXIST
IN ANOTHER PLACE
RUNNING UNDER COVER
FROM THE RAIN

OH..THE RHYTHM OF MY HEART,
IS BEATING LIKE A DRUM.
WITH THE WORDS I LOVE YOU
ROLLING OFF MY TONGUE
NO NEVER WILL I ROAM
FOR I HAVE FOUND MY PRECIOUS HOME
WHERE THE MOUNTAINS MEET THE SKY
I'LL BE WAITING

Bridges

There are bridges on life's highways,
but we never see them there.
Some cross troubled waters,
Some don't go nowhere.

Some you wouldn't step on if you were,
trying to save your soul.
One comes with a keeper,
When its time to pay the toll.

Some are meant to last forever,
Some are made of stone.
Some are meant to cross together,
Some you go alone.

Some the slightest wind can send them,
Crashing to the ground.
I set our bridge on fire,
but I could not burn it down...

And here I am,
Praying for forgiveness.
And I can see you,
standing on the other side.
Here I go,
Baby its a heavy load.
But I have crossed some broken bridges in my time...

To Each Day..

Each Morning she was up before Lar Torvis..she was hesitant to waste even one momemt, for as she knew, time had a way of slipping past too fast, leaving one to wonder if there was a hole in the universe that sucked up wasted time, leaving one with no time left, and many things left to do.

She would sit on her wagon step quietly, watching the stars and when the first rays of day flashed their glorious colors across the sky, she could only watch in wonder.

Since her arrival back in the camp of the Tuchuk, she had taken time to reacquaint herself with old friends, and made sure she got to know those that were new to her. Those that knew her from the past, knew her to be a woman of solid beliefs, a peaceful person who had strived for peace between the tribes, going so far as to offer up herself in order to bring about this crucial change. Her mixed blood, gave her a different insight into many things. She had loved the Kataii, had given them everything she had--but in the end, they had betrayed her in a way so profound, so painful that she pointed her wagons south, and made no attempt to look back. So many trails she walked, to the far North to see the ice mountains, and as far the other way as her feet would take her. But no matter how far she went, she had been unable to outdistance the pain she had felt at the betrayal of her own. Like a quiva through her heart, she had felt it. Then, one day she visited the Tuchuk, and talked with the old Ubar, who understood her sadness and offered her a place among them..he told her she had come home.

Now, as she sat on her wagon step watching the day born, her heart, for the first time in so many pahns, was at ease with itself. Could it be that she was finally able to listen to it, and follow it where it lead her, instead of fighting it and finding cold trails..she couldn't say. Answers sometimes were ellusive..but when she could grasp one, she held on for the ride.